Pressure OK, Lady?

The "sister wives" headed to Savannah to do a little Black Friday Christmas shopping. Tom,  Amy,  Jake, Heyward,  Noah, Wil, Gabey Baby and I loaded up in my car (because it holds 8 you know) and headed off to get some great deals! All except you know we didn't get up at 4:00 in the morning and we kinda missed most of the deals and we didn't have any money so it wouldn't have mattered anyway. It was everything we expected! It was crowded, it was hectic and it has been added to the never again list...again. Is it just me or did walking in a mall all of a sudden become much more exhausting? By the time we got to the second mall Amy and I were wiped! And I should mention here that Tom dropped Amy, Gabey Baby and I off at Target and he took the four big boys to Bass Pro Shops.

Now I know that pushing a stroller through Target should be a lot easier than keeping a 13 year old, a 12 year old, an 10 year old and a 9 year old wrangled at a place that is aptly named Outdoor World but do not discount the power of the Target 2 Day Sale people. AND Amy and I had obviously not trained as we should have. By the time we got to the food court I asked Amy if we should wait for the boys and she stated, "I need to eat NOW" which were my sentiments exactly... I just didn't want to sound like I was that selfish. I figured it was ok if there were two of us eating, because how can it be selfishness if there are two people involved? After dinner (we made the boys FFY and in Rachelese that means Fin For Yourself and my boys are very used to it) Amy had a few more stores to hit and the boys had more to see in Outdoor World.

 As we were making our way toward Bath and Bodyworks we passed the "Mall Massage" storefront and like I have stated before, Amy and I were not properly trained for Black Friday. We turned Gabe's stroller in because what a better way to spend 12 minutes than to watch your aunt and mother get their back's rubbed? Now the girl who was gonna give the good old mall massage is approximately 92.5 pounds and let's just say Amy and I aren't. I was a little skeptical. Amy was cool and calm because after all, she has had the mall massage before. She told us we could pay after the massage and so Amy settled into the worlds most flattering position that one could take in a mall (please note the use of my sarcasm font here). Gabe was pretty calm for the first 8 minutes and then he started to get a little antsy. When it was my turn, Amy took Gabe on to Bath and Bodyworks. I settled in for what I figured would be the greatest 12 minutes of my month. Now, somehow when I stuck my face into the massage chair that 92.5 pounds girl turned into a 452 pound sumo wrestler. I am not sure how this happened because the mall massage people are usually from the People's Republic of China (it says so on those really official looking certificates they have on the wall) and Sumo wrestlers are generally from Japan but none the less when this women started rubbing my shoulders I felt like I was in a vice and that my head was going to pop off at any minute. I am really not sure why I thought I would enjoy a massage seeing how I am not the biggest fan of touching. I am not sure if she could sense my unease or maybe I was wincing or maybe it was the fact that at some points I am sure I was holding my breath for a few minutes at a time but she kept asking me "Pressure OK Lady?". Now I am not up on the proper mall massage etiquette but I am a people pleaser (insert laughter here) and somehow I croaked out a weak "uh huh" and the sumo wrestler continued the mall massage torture. The never ending 12 minutes came to an end and I looked around for Amy's purse to pay. Well, Amy had gone to B&B with her purse and my purse so I ended up sitting in the mall massage store and I could feel the pressure that had just been relieved creeping back inch by inch every minute Amy was gone. There was one of those very uncomfortable silences, when you know you don't speak the same language and you just keep smiling at each other. All the time I know she is thinking "This fat American Lady not going to pay her bill and I gonna have to run after her from my mall store".

 Finally Amy came back and we paid for our 12 minutes in heaven and went to meet the guys in Outdoor World. We spot Tom and the boys from across the camouflage and he looks beat down. He has after all been chasing the boys while Amy and I partook in what should have been a relaxing mall massage. He handed off the boys to me while he and Amy went to check out. I took all 5 out to look at the waterfall, an act of pure selflessness if you ask me, because what better to entertain a gang of boys than the crushing force of water. Tom managed to keep the boys all safe, unhurt, out of jail and together for approximately 3 hours in Bass Pro Shops. I, on the other hand had them for all of 3 minutes when Wil stuck his finger in an empty christmas light socket. Did I mention it was raining? Did I mention we were getting wet by the crushing force of a Bass Pro Shops Waterfall? Did I mention WIL STUCK HIS FINGER IN A LIGHT SOCKET?

No, the pressure is not ok Lady. Not ok.

Hobos and Such

Yesterday, really close to getting off time, a strange man came to the door of the daycare. Now being that it is the Thanksgiving Season, I am going to add to the top of my thankful for list, that I am SOOO very thankful for locked daycare doors. Paul had warned me there was a strange man outside. He even told me the guy had no shirt. I should have been prepared. I wasn't. He scared me. Not scared me as in hide under my desk scared me...scared me in the wow I'm glad those doors are locked because I don't know what you may do to my babies scared me. Do you follow? Let me see if I can give you a good description...imagine a really fat Santa with no beard but long white hair that hasn't seen shampoo since about 1972. AND instead of a little round belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly, his was a little hairy and so white it reflected the light from inside. Now, I know this poor man needed help and he had come to a church...where he should be able to go and get help. However, when he found out the office was closed and that this was a childcare center and that I could NOT let him in, I wish that he had not continued to bang on the door and try to open it. That is when Noah began to get a little freaked. He grabbed my phone and texted Charles...and it said and I quote "Come to church now Hobo was at church"

Isn't nice when a throwback term like Hobo can come back into fashion?

So Noah is totally freaked out about this Hobo. He woke up today talking about the Hobo. And oh my he had lots to say!

"Mom you ok with that hobo in the town and you at the church and the man with the mop can walk you to car and Gabe to car cause that hobo is knock on the door and why you not have a gun at the work and if that hobo knock on the door I think he smell. I think your boss can't stay all night wait for you because she hurt her leg an she need go home rest her leg cause I think she sleep on leg wrong and that why it broken and I love your boss so she need go home so her foot sleep so she not stay for the hobo. but that man with the mop can watch for the hobo."

Can you say Noah is a little obsessed with the hobo? I wonder why in heaven's name Noah would think it was at all ok to have a gun in a daycare. I wonder where Noah learned the term Hobo. I wonder if this poor and possibly homeless man would be offended by the term hobo. I wonder what I am going to do when it gets dark and the man with the mop is not here to walk me to the car. I wonder what Noah would say if he knew I saw the hobo again today crossing Boundary Street. I think I will keep that information to myself.

Oh, The Drama and The Sister Wives

For the record this is my second post that is titled Oh, the....

We have started out the Thanksgiving Season with much to be thankful for. Noah and Wil should be thankful that they are breathing... It has been a rough few days on the behavior front. Gabe should be thankful his daddy is so patient when it comes to whiny, sinusy, grouchy babies. Charles should be thankful that...well...um...I can't really think of anything right now because in all honesty he has been very helpful the last few days and I can't really pick on him. Finally I am thankful that my whole entire family has not disowned me because I am sure I deserve it.

We had planned on going as a family to see the AWESOME drama "This Man Called Jesus" in Columbia. However, with the sinus infection and the ear infection and the stomach issues, my mom, Charles and Gabey Baby stayed home. SOOO the plan was that Tom, Amy, Grannie Annie, The Four Big Squires Boys and I would head on up to Columbia. We were going to take Amy and Tom's van which is good because Charles is OBSESSIVE about highway safety and our tires are a tad bit on the (completely) bald side. The only problem is (and a math major I do not claim to be)  that there were 8 of us going in a car that only holds 7 and we didn't realize it until the morning of. And so there was MAJOR drama before the drama. Charles threw a fit about us taking our car and I threw a fit about not taking our car and Grannie Annie threw a fit about us throwing a fit. AND I have to admit that the devil was working hard in my house because before going to This Man Called Jesus there were some very bad words coming out of my mouth. It's a weakness and I know it. I apologize to my husband, my mother-in-law, my children (even the deaf one) and my dog for the nasty words that came out of my mouth. Anyway Charles gave in (he's a good man and usually does) and we took my car. It seats eight you know.

Whenever something cool comes along that we want the boys to do, Tom and I are usually the ones who take them to do it. I call him my faux husband (even though in all honesty we are so much alike and it really grosses me out to think of like holding his hand or something. Glad he is my brother-in-law and all...couldn't ask for a better guy but "gag me with a spoon" on the whole touching aspect of the husband part) Charles is usually working and Amy is usually keeping the baby or working on lesson plans so most of the time it's just me and the faux  husband. It's all well and good since all the boys look alike and one could very easily think that Tom and I have 4 good looking boys together...that is until Amy starts coming along. Then it becomes one weird sister wife thing with Tom and 2 wives and an army of little boys. The three of us walked into the convenience store and grabbed a whole bunch of drinks and Combos (which are the best convenience store snacks) and as we were walking out Amy said "We look like the sister wives again" and I threw up in my mouth just a little bit. It didn't get much better at the Cracker Barrel or when Tom said he was gonna buy a bus and paint "The Squires Family" on the side.

The real drama was fabulous! Well worth the trip and the whole sister wife thing. I posted the link above so if you get a chance please click on over and visit the website and if you can take a trip please go see it. Abraham the camel would love to see you. And bring the sister wives along...they'll enjoy it too!

'Tis the Season!

     With a title like that I bet you are thinking about the holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas, maybe even New Years if that's your thing. I am thinking of another kind of season. It is not a season that I look forward to like say Easter or my birthday. As a matter of fact, it is the time of year that I DREAD! Yes, my friends...I am talking about The Science Fair. The whole affair is a jumbled mess of backboards (although this year we graduated to Power Point...welcome to the 21st century dear science fair) scientific formulas, hypotheses, bibliographies and results. Oh how I wish we could go back to the days of "What Color Do You See Most in a Bag of M&M's?". A few bags of candy, some graph paper and some colored pencils and we are off! I am going to go on the record as saying if I was a science teacher (pause for laughter here) I would never make the children in my classes do a science fair project. I am starting to save Noah and Wil's projects because by the time Gabey Baby gets to the science fair these teachers will never remember which of 'The Squires Boys' turned in which project. I'm gold! Anyway Noah turned it in and we are waiting with baited breath to find the results.To be honest, this year we went in with the thought of simply passing rather than winning the whole shebang.
     As I was picking up Noah from school the other day I saw a sight that warmed my heart. Noah has always pretty much been a loner. Every day I pick him up and he is standing by himself just waiting for a ride. Thursday I spotted his little blond head walking out from the big bad middle school but on this day there was a little brown head walking with him and they were signing. I was so excited to see Noah with a friend at school. I always picture him sitting by himself in the cafeteria because he does not communicate well. I think of him as being too shy to make friends. I picture him as too stubborn to let his interpreter help. I worry that he will have a stunted social life. But Thursday gave me a whole new picture. He was walking with a friend. He was communicating with a classmate with no outside help. He was smiling. Maybe they were discussing the science fair. No scratch that because who in their right mind would be smiling when discussing the science fair.
     It has been a lazy two days. I have been taking lots of naps because sweet Gabey Baby has been sick and Wil has had a migraine. I think the entire world would be a whole lot nicer if a two hour nap was mandatory. Who could I speak with about this? I am pretty sure the crime rate would dip because let's face it, we would all be a lot less grouchy. Any way I spent this morning watching my second favorite Heath Ledger movie. I don't think I have mentioned my overall obsession with all things Heath (excluding the whole I wish I could quit you craziness of Broke-Back Mountain...something about a gay cowboy that does not float my boat but I can forgive and I hate to speak ill of the dead) Anyway my first favorite of course is The Patriot (and if you have seen this please do not mention his character's name to Charles as it is still a source of contention with us and the naming of our third child. I promise it is just a coincidence) and my second being "A Knight's Tale". Now I know that many of you would think the premise of a pauper dressed up like a knight parading around with  Geoffrey Chaucer and a band of anything but merry men, jousting in what can only be described as clothes worn by the Rolling Stones in the late 60's ( I kid you not...the costume gal said so in the behind the scenes footage that I, of course, watch whenever I pull out the DVD) a tad on the ridiculous side but there is such a beauty in the story of a father who gave up his son in order to give him a better life. Oh I cry every time I see it. Yes, John Thatcher, your son did change his stars....and he followed his feet back home. Excuse me while I grab a puffs plus. And the fact that we get to see Paul Bettany butt naked from behind only adds to the enjoyment of it all. "What? You haven't heard of it. Well it was allegorical." Oh Chaucer, you delight me. Anyway if you are in for a good time "A Knight's Tale" will not disappoint but remember it is no Canterbury Tales even with good old Geoff's nakedness.

Some Randomness...I'm Good At It

I was looking back at my old notes on my Facebook page (I am a tad narcissistic- I love to reread my facebook stuff...and let's face it why else would I write a blog all about me?) and I came across one of those surveys you fill out. This one simply asked you to write 25 random things about yourself. I thought I would repost this and see how much still applies to my daily life. I wrote it on January 19,2009... 4 days before Baby Gabe came into this world and about a month before my family's world came apart.

25 Random Things About ME!

1. I don't like to turn left. I will still go out of my way to avoid turning left without a light.
2. I hardly ever eat anything green...green jello, green koolaide, vegetables puhlease! Gross! (Green M&M's are on the approved list) Still haven't gone green. Does this have anything to do with my carbon footprint?
3. When I met my husband he was in the Navy...and I was in the 9th grade! (GASP) Cradle robber!
4. Sometimes I get this really weird urge to crawl under my desk. I don't know why but this is supposed to be random facts and let's face it...that is random. I wouldn't have fit under my desk then and  now it just takes too much energy to get to the floor...much less back up.
5. I'm addicted to reading blogs of people I don't know and will never meet. I have added many blogs to this list. Just look at who I follow!
6. My sister and I have a "Never Again List" Chick-fil-a on kids night is #1. The Never Again List has expanded tremendously since we have a third child!
7. I work for my dad. He doesn't like facebook. I sneak. I would give up anything, except the assurance that I will see him again, to sneak onto facebook again.
8. I messed up washing my husband's uniform one time so I would never have to do it again. (Not permanent damage mind you-just really wrinkled. ps It Worked) I think that speaks for itself.
9. When my kids were babies and they would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes I would just lay there pretending I was asleep and that I couldn''t hear them so Charles would get up instead. We didn't do this with Gabey Baby. We are much better parents with him than we were with the other two.
10. My favorite kinds of friends are the ones who I can not speak to for days or weeks and as soon as I talk to them again it feels like not a day has gone by. (and I get no guilt over not calling) Shout out to all my friends who have stuck by me in my not calling phases-Jen,Crystal,Amy,Regina,Carroll,Jil-you know I love you! Just self absorbed (or just lazy-you pick) You can add way more people to this list now. With a third child I don't have time to go to the bathroom much less call friends. Thanks for the no guilt. I really can't stand the guilt.
11. I am so lucky! I love all my in-laws! My sister-in-law is the bomb! (and we are having these boys around the same time and she is an awesome baker and she can sign!) My other sister-in-law is my sister and I couldn't live without her! (although if I were just her sister-in-law and not her sister I don't think she would like me) My mother-in-law is so sweet and would do anything for anyone! Hasn't changed!
12. I LOVE SUPERCHIC[K]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think everyone should google them and add them to your friends and become a fan and buy their CDs and go to their concerts! I didn't like their last CD as much as some but I am still fanatical.
13. I have two friends who are in a special birthday club with me! Kristin's birthday is December 13th...mine is January 13th (by the way I'm sure all the gifts are still in the mail right?) and Shelley's birthday is February 13th. We have all been friends since babyhood and are still friends to this day! Dear Shelley and Kristin...we are approaching 40.
14. My friend Crystal's birthday is on my dad's birthday and our mom's were both born on January 11th. Pretty neat huh! We were meant to be friends! Still Friends!
15. My grandmother has no Great-Grand-Daughters but when the two new ones get here (mine and Anne's) she will have 15 (count them)15 Great-Grand-Sons! (and one great great grandson) I miscounted...Gabe and Daniel were numbers 12 and 13 but still no girls and still impressive right?
16. I like to get up in the middle of the night and eat a Dove promise. I like to get up in the middle of the night and eat a few Dove promises and a glass of milk and maybe some peanut butter. Maybe this is why I weigh more now than when I wrote this (9 months preggo)
17. I don't like to be kissed and hugged all that much. A nice pat on the shoulder does it for me every time! (Noah and Wil are exceptions...poor Charles) Amen Sista...can I amen myself?
18. My mother ran over my foot (with the car) when I was in fourth grade. It didn't break my foot because I had on brand new shoes form Lipsitz. (and it was all Amy's fault because it was my day to sit in the front seat and she got in it) Still kinda cramps up when the weather gets bad. Not really I just thought that sounded funny and I had nothing else.
19. My sister always thought I was Bipolar but it was really just a chemical imbalance during my teenaged years. May still have some issues (if you can't tell by reading this)
20. I love rainy cold days. I feel like the world is getting a shower. It makes me happy! (can you say chemical imbalance) Loves It!
21. I read in the bathtub. If you are in my book club you know this. I tend to drop them in the tub. I also talk on the phone in the tub and just for reference it will not electrocute you if you drop a cordless phone into the tub. I speak from experience! Don't get as much time to read now that I have three little boys who like to come in and bother me.
22. 22 is my favorite number. I don't know why. Still my favorite number.
23. I am scared to death of this baby. What if I can't handle 3 kids. I've never been outnumbered before! Gabey Baby is the biggest blessing I have ever received. I truly do not know what we would have done without him.
24. My brother makes the best fried shrimp in the entire world... he says he's retired but I don't think so! I want some right now.
25. I hate to say it but looking at this list even I think I could use a little counseling!

Well there you go. Not much has changed but everything has changed. I never would have thought when I was sitting at my desk writing that, my life would be completely different a month later. I would never be going back to that desk. I would not have to sneak Facebook. I would not work for my dad anymore. I would not see him every day. Losing someone takes so much time to heal from. Losing someone in such a violent way and with so many unanswered questions takes more time than I have had. I hurt everyday. I miss him everyday but now I can laugh. And I can find the humor in my kids and I can go on knowing that I am going to see him again and when I do I may even sing him a heavenly tune!

I would love to hear random things about you. Post a few in the comments!

The Frozen Fowl or The Christian Music Police or When In Doubt Just Remember He Is Quite Satisfied

Let me start out by saying...Happy Fall Back. This has got to be my favorite Sunday of the whole year! You get an extra hour to sleep in. You can send your kids to bed at 9:00 and they may even go to sleep because it feels like 10:00. It should be a holiday. I was feeling so good about myself that I even stopped by Walmart on the way to Sunday School to pick up some whipped cream and pudding for the kiddies to finger paint with...and maybe just maybe I over estimated the power of Fall Back Sunday. For It Is Written, the Toddler Two Sunday School Class shall never again participate in such activities that involve pudding, whipped cream and fingers. Don't get me wrong....they had fun. They had fun on the table. They had fun on the chairs. They had fun on the floor. They had fun on the walls. They even had fun on each other (I should state that actually the only one who had fun on someone else was Gabey Baby Squires. Does that surprise you? It shouldn't). To My Dear Co-Teacher...I am sorry I bring such chaos into your world. Blame it on Fall Back Sunday. See you next week!

After church we headed over to a fundraiser put on by the city's finest...and by finest I do mean my hubby Charles who provided over night security. It was boy paradise...some kind of souped up Chevette drag racer (It was really a corvette, I just wanted Charles to read this and roll his eyes at my cluelessness) and lots of shiny mustangs and all kinds of old cars that made my brother and brother-in-law say things like "oh yeah" and "nice". In other words Amy, Anne and I walked around trying to keep the babies from putting fingerprints all over the cars. Good Times, Good Times. The food was good and there were some games to play. Wil wanted $2.00 to throw darts at a paper turkey. (He came over and asked for $2.00 and all I could think about was Better Off Dead, John Cusack GREATNESS. If you have never seen it you have to! Seriously my friend has it on DVD. You must ask to borrow it) Next thing I know here comes Wil with a great big frozen turkey. Yes, my child won a turkey. He ran over, well he tried to run over but then he dropped the turkey and then he walked over slowly, and said "I won Thanksgiving Dinner and can you take a picture of it? And can you post it on facebook?" What have I done to my child? **Update Below

I don't talk much on here about Wil and I should. He is my "whatever child". If I want to go to Walmart, he'll go. If I ask him if he wants to go to Granmomma's, he says sure. If I tell him to pick up Gabe, he does. He is an all around good kid. He is always smiling. He always gives you a hug when he sees you (and you know it is because he wants to, not because he has to) and he is smart as a whip. He also will fall over his shadow, drop whatever he is carrying and if we go on vacation you can bet he will visit the infirmary or the ER at some point. Heyward calls it "Life With Wil". He just has a way about him. One day when he was in first grade, I asked him why he was being so wiggly. He said (and I quote and I am not even joking) "I am just quite satisfied". I'll never know if he was satisfied at that moment or in life in general, but that is how I will always picture my Wil. Quite Satisfied. When he told me he wanted to be baptized I asked him if he really knew what that meant. I had prepared myself for the usual  "Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sins". Not Wil. Oh no...here was his 1st grade answer "Well you see Jesus made a blood sacrifice for me and I need to live my life like he would want me to." At this point I am thinking he needs to teach my Sunday School Class. He probably would have known the pudding and whipped cream would not be such a great idea. One day Big Mama (who's blog I read everyday with stalker-like tendencies) posted about her playlists. She admitted to liking Ke$ha...who I will admit I find myself humming along to if I happen to scan through and stop on one of her songs. I posted a comment that Wil (AKA The Christian Music Police) heard her song playing on the way to school and he said "Did she just say BEER?" To which I replied sheepishly "Why yes, she did." I have since learned to keep it tuned to Air One when he is in the car and save the Ke$ha for my alone time. My Wil is gonna keep me in line!

So if you don't have plans for Thanksgiving...Wil has got it covered! Come on over and have some dropped on the cement frozen turkey!

**After I left Wil won two more turkeys. Yes, we have Thanksgiving covered.

What I am Teaching Your Children!

I have been on vacation this week...actually to use term I am too old to use, a staycation. Yes, I have not been anywhere exciting (well except to the park and to a friend's house for dinner...it was delicious by the way!) just sitting around the house looking at all of the laundry I am not doing because I am on vacation.I wouldn't be doing laundry if I was in say Aruba or Ireland. I wouldn't be doing laundry if  was in the mountains or camping at the beach. So why should I do laundry while I am "sitting on my laurels" at home? I am really trying to convince myself. so please excuse the rant. I am going to get on that tomorrow. Mount St Squires will erupt tomorrow whether it be in the washing machine or in the burn pile in my back yard. Could go either way.

I went to church tonight and instead of going straight to the "ever cool book club" I headed over to teach the 4-6 graders. Yes, I have volunteered myself and my above mentioned friend to take on the 4-6 graders at BCOB once again. AND me and the above mentioned friend are going to lead them ever so gently into being wholly prepared for our Christmas Eve service. It is officially called the drama and art block although I prefer "The Arts with Patsy and Rachel". It has some flair...admit it. So tonight we played some really cool improv games. They acted like they were in a movie and we paused and fast forwarded and did a lot of rewinding. They were awesome. They were having fun. I was feeling pretty pretty good. Next they stood up and we all yelled out things for them to act out. There was the hobo diggin in the trash for dinner (what did the fifth grader playing the hobo find n the bottom of the trash can? A cig and a beer...do I need to tell you that fifth grader's last name was Squires. I didn't think so). We had a CNN correspondent interviewing a man on the street. It was great. Then came the last game... it was innocent I swear. The child was supposed to stand up and make a statement about their day. We, as the audience would ask questions to figure out if the statement was true or false. Well somehow this innocent little game turned into "oh oh Ms. Rachel I can lie...let me tell a lie. I can trick you all". Parents please know that Patsy nor I, in any way, shape or form, condone lying. Let's just call it acting...and let's just say they were very good at it.

The point of this is, I guess, please come to our Christmas Eve service...you will be truly blessed!