Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Random Phone Call About My Imaginary Daughter

VBS was a HUGE success and all of the BCOB kids were looking very Egyptian. This is my favorite picture from the week...

Oh we had so much fun. Now though there is a HUGE mess of stuff in a room upstairs and I just look at it and think "I am SO over VBS" and "Why oh why do I sign up to help with things like VBS when I know I have to clean up afterwards". I wish I could just run the whole thing and then make somebody else do all of the cleanup. I am not a follow througher. This was Wil's last VBS year and Gabe won't be able to attend for about to years so I don't know what I'll do next year. 

Lots (or maybe not lots) to catch you up on in boy world. First of all my two year old is now telling me "no" or "in a minute" for exactly EVERYTHING I am asking him to do. I love this age. On Memorial Day we went to the beach and he was scared to death. He wouldn't let us put him down and screamed if he got near the water. Saturday? Not so much....He ran full speed straight into knee deep waves and stayed there all day. When I would try to get him to play in a nice tidal pool (or puddle) he would give me the lovely n word and go right on about his business.Pray for me people.

Wil is sleeping away his summer. He is his mother's child...or at least his mother when she could stay up past 9:00 pm. I went out to the living room last night around 1:00 and heard this funny little noise. It was Wil playing in the legos. I looked over at him like he was crazy and he responded "What? It IS summer you know" and to be honest at that time of the morning, much like Elvis had left the building, the fight had left my body. So when he sleeps til 2 in the afternoon, I am not there to see it.

Noah is spending his summer complaining about his glasses being crooked and his batteries being out. I really can't say anything else about that because it honestly just makes me tired.

Charles and I are just plugging away. I was at a training out of town the other day and my phone rang right in the middle of a session. I saw it was Charles and he was working so I answered it quietly. There was a ton of noise and a woman talking. I stepped out into the hall because WHY would a woman be talking in to Charles' phone. (Not that I think anything funny of Charles because Lord knows neither one of us believes in cheating and it goes against everything we believe in but above all else...we are just WAY WAY too lazy. Cheating takes work and way way too much telling lies. Now griping and whining we can do but we will leave that other stuff for the folks who have the energy.) I was finally able to understand her and she was saying "Your daughter just ran into the back of us and she in screaming and really upset." What? Did I give birth to a girl and not remember it? And really... she is already driving? If I had her I certainly would have like to put a couple of smocked dresses on her and maybe a bow or two in her hair. No, that couldn't be it. I knew it was Charles' phone so I really could not connect the dots. She kept going on about how my daughter was screaming and they couldn't get her to calm down. All I could think to say is "You have the cop's phone". She apparently thought I was crazy and hung up on me. When Charles got home that night he (sorta) cleared it up by saying he had handed his phone to the hysterical girl and he thought she had made a call. The other lady must have grabbed his phone to help.

If I am going to get phone calls about my imaginary daughter, I would rather it not be to tell me that she has rear-ended another car and that she is now hysterical. I would much rather hear about her straight A's or her nominating my as Time Magazine's Person of the Year.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

And I Don't Even Have To Take A Shower Tonight!

I realize that I had some incomplete thoughts in my last post and the main reason for that is this...

Is that not the most pitiful thing you have ever seen? Poor baby! Anyway...Wil was green when I picked him up for his suspension... and the reason was... he had a dosey of a migraine. We could not get rid of it and it took a trip to the ER and a nice cocktail of morphine and zofran to get him to the state where he could open those little eyes. So you can better believe that although I do not disagree with a suspension for Wil choking a child I will be putting a letter into the school district stating that he ended up at the ER and maybe just maybe there was a reason Wil could not keep his hands off of a child who was "buzzing" nonstop in his ear.

Well he recovered even though he was the only child to miss his fifth grade graduation. Mom of the Year! We have started summer and even though it was a day and a half early we are off to a good start.

I got Gabe the cutest little sprinkler that you put balls in and the shoot up in a stream of water and the hang there suspended in mid air. Oh boy does he love it! He played and played! AND THEN.... the big boys came up and just like Emril they decided to kick it up a notch. What could be better than using it like a water T-Ball set so they got the bat out. Well this ended the innocent fun and began the "how hard can I hit this ball before it makes a dent in Grannie Annie's car" phase. Then we moved into the "how can we take a water hose and create something that we could potentially break our neck on" phase. I have mentioned once before how my children like to destroy property and they are not very particular about whose property it is. I came outside after not hearing the boys for about 10 minutes and this is what I found... (a picture couldn't do it justice...I had to video it)

The best part about it was the entire bottle of soap that they used to make the transition from the slide to the slip easier. Wil uttered the now famous words..."and I don't even have to take a shower tonight!".

I see another trip to the ER in our near future.

Next week will be all about VBS and all things Egypt! Please say a prayer that the children will be blessed, the volunteers will be blessed and that Charles and I came survive the week!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Two and a Half Days Left in School AND My Perfect Child Did WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I have been a terrible blogger lately. We are consumed with all things "end of school" and "VBS". On the VBS issue...Let me just say...we are already "Walking Like An Egyptian". I am so excited! I have to say that my OCD friend Corey and I make the perfect OCD Bible School team! I have had so much fun and we are like a well oiled machine. I am gonna miss talking to her 734 times a day when this is all over. We may have to start planning next year's VBS just so we don't have withdrawals.

As you can plainly see in my title when we got up this morning we had 2 1/2 days left in school! I have been counting down to this moment since approximately October and I for one did not think the end of school could come a day too soon! Well, I would have been wrong... because it is coming too soon for 2 of the 5 Squires' Boys. I NEED for you to know that NONE of the Squires' Boys attend the same school nor do they have any way of communicating during the school day (unless they have somehow developed some sort of super power like mental telepathy which I really would not doubt if you told me they could) so what I am about to tell you is purely just...just...Squires.

I missed a call from the Elementary school and I ASSUMED that meant Wil had a migraine and needed to be picked up. After all, after 6 years in school these are the only types of phone calls I have had regarding my perfect child. I called back and told the secretary that someone had been trying to reach me. She informed me that Mrs. Glover the Assistant Principal wanted to talk to me.

Please note I can hear the DUM DUM DUM of the dramatic music in my head as I type this because this felt like a movie to me. Wil? Did the wrong school call about the wrong child? What?

Mrs. Glover (or M.Glove as I feel I can refer to her as now since we are in such a good place) informs me that Wil is being suspended from school for "putting his hands around J's throat". I have to say I was actually speechless at that point. I told her I would be right there to pick him up because honestly I was too dumbfounded to say anything more intelligent.

I got to the school in 2.8 minutes and saw Wil in the office. I could tell right away that if M. Glove had not called me the nurse certainly would have. He was actually green. At this point I was assuming (see what I get for assuming) he was looking green from just the pure terror of going to the principal's office. I didn't even talk to him as I was signing him out...I was scared some colorful words would slip out that I really don't want the office staff to know I know. I turned and saw the other child who I assumed was the other guilty party and since his eyes were blood red and tears were still pouring down his face. At that moment I realized I couldn't explode like I had planned to. Oh he was going to be in trouble for putting his hands around someone's throat, BUT I have to admit there have been times when I have actually fantasized about wrapping my hands around this child's throat.

Did I type that outloud?

Oh, I would never touch a child that way but the best way I can describe this friend is by saying...Gnat. If you live in the Lowcountry, you understand this term. He has bugged the class all year and Wil is not the first to have the suspension fate. So Wil's fifth grade and elementary career ends with............ SUSPENSION! Nice.

When I picked up Noah he asked why Wil was in the car. I told him and he was feeling quite superior. After all he has not been suspended (well not officially...the whole throwing of the laptop could very well be considered an uninvited break from school). AND THEN...the phone. It's  Amy. Jake has been suspended. For putting a child in a headlock because he was beating up Jake's friend. According to Jake it was not really a headlock more of a holding his head with Jake's elbow.

So welcome summer! I can tell it is going to be a good one!