I Am Pretty Sure You Had Eyebrows When I Went to Church This Morning...and other things

I really do not even know where to begin. I am not even sure I remember how to write much less anything that anyone would find interesting. I can't remember what happened yesterday so I went back and checked my Facebook to see if there was anything to write about. Problem is I have been on Facebook about as much as I have been blogging so yeah...not much help.

Here is what I know...

1. VBS is going on this week so pretty much that tells it's own story.
2. Yearly River Rat Party? Good Times!
3. Started working part time and still don't have enough time to do all my laundry. I do however have enough time to watch many, many episodes of Ghost Whisper and Storage Wars. I do not think we even need to mention Duck Dynasty.
4. Gabe has taken up fishing. Do you think I am a bad mother because I make him fish for leaves in my backyard with only a sinker? He thinks he is going to catch dinner. I am not telling him any different. 
5. 3 of the 5 Squires' boys will be at Beaufort Middle next year. Which teachers would like to put in for a transfer now?
6. God is punishing me for not making Noah go to church on Sunday mornings. I now come home to things like this...

 

He also is now into making predictions for the future. Just so you know when Amy turns 43 she will be teaching "Yogo" at the "house with the hot pool and the pool outside where Amy teach the yogo and maybe granmomma will go and bring us to the hot pool and where Heyward play the basketball and then we go to the hot pool and can swim". In other words according to Noah, Amy may be teaching Yoga at the Y in a few years.  

 Oh, I will try to do better in the coming weeks on updating every mundane detail of our lives. But for now- just remember if you don't take your children to church with you they may shave off their eyebrows.

The Guilt...It Has Been Eating Away At Me!

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down in the past week month months to write a new post. Then I would think about how long it had been since I wrote a post that the pressure to come up with something good overwhelmed me. Then when it got to be such a ridiculously long time since I posted I couldn't even log on to blogger to read my favorite blogs. So to avoid any more pressure I am going to just post me favorite Mother's Day video and be done with it. Happy Mother's Day Ya'll!

Not Even An Airplane...

Has it really been almost a month since I posted? Just call me inconsistent. Sorry!

I have to be honest and tell you that I am a terrible speller and count on spell check quite often. I was really off on the word inconsistent and the word that popped up was incontinent. I am so glad I caught it or you would all been sending me some Tena pads.

There is going to be some real randomness in this post because I cannot seem to connect two thoughts in my head much less weave them altogether into some humorous story that has some point. I think I will use bullets just so we can all be sure that nothing in this post relates to anything else.

• Update (because you are all on the edge of your seat waiting for updates)...Gabe has a new favorite song now and I am not sure if he got it from the M&M's commercial or Glee but he is constantly telling us "Girl, look at that body! Girl, look at that body....I work in". So obviously we do not use gym vocabulary very often around my house and work out has become work in. Please know that Gabe is sexy and he knows it.  
• The official countdown to my big night with Margaret is on. 7 days 15 hours and 19 minutes to "The Hunger Games". (I am just a tad bit obsessive-can you tell?)  I have actually been counting down for a little more than 5 months but what can I say? It is almost here. May the odds be ever in your favor.

• Went on a little field trip with Noah and the other deaf kids yesterday to the Audiologist. Now, Noah hears great with his cochlear implant (he cusses great with it to-just so you stay very aware of that fact). Once you put the implant in, the person loses any residual hearing in that ear. It is recommended that you keep the auditory nerve stimulated in the other ear by wearing a hearing aide. That way if you ever decided to implant bi-laterally the nerve is still stimulated. Ya'll know I am not very good at taking direction right? Now, Noah did not ever have much residual hearing. He could however hear low frequency sounds at very high decibels. Think lawn mowers and bass drums. We put him in the booth yesterday and did a quick check on his right ear. Nothing. Now, I know he is deaf. I have known for the last 13 and a half years. I was never mad about it. I never blamed God for giving me a child who was not perfect (what child is?) but somehow this is so final to me. Why am I sad now that he can't hear an airplane without his implant when he CAN hear a lizard moving through leaves with his implant? What is wrong with me? Pray for me people, I may be moving backwards. 

Now since it has been almost a month since I posted I need to go and think about somethings, like that bag full of stuff that needs to be returned from my last trip to Savannah. I only have 30 days to get a refund so I better plan a trip. Not sure if St. Patrick's weekend is the ideal time to head that way but what can I say? I am just no good at following through.

See The Thing About Legos Is Sometimes They Are A Bit Graphic

A little update on my future country music star...

We went to Texas Roadhouse to eat Sunday (not a fan) and we sat in the Willie Nelson corner. Gabe was quite thrilled with the whole affair (again- Rachel? Not a fan. A fan of Texas? Yes! Fan of Willie Nelson? Yes! Fan of the Roadhouse? No! I think I'd like to go to Texas and eat at a real Texas Roadhouse because I am sure that it is better than the fake Texas Roadhouse in Savannah, Georgia. We may be able to pull off Paula Dean but Texas is a big nono). Anyway- Gabe can not only break out in a wonderful rendition of Red Solo Cup, he can also do a very convincing Tush Push.

OK we will review...

1. I hate country music.
2. I don't like country food (obviously- see above paragraph)
3. I certainly do not like line dancing.
4. My child likes all of the above!

He is so precious and if my phone worked I would give you a little video of the solo line dancing champion of the Squires family. But as you know...

Anyway, we had a big weekend with 952 children attempting to spend the night at my house... in reality it was really just one child per Squires boy plus the cousins but doesn't that equal 952? Only about half of those actually succeeded in staying the entire night. Gabe's friend Cal (one of those who did not make the entire night) brought his new Bible. It is called "The Brick Bible" and on first glance it is the most fabulous thing in the ENTIRE Bible world! It is the Old Testament illustrated in Legos. So very very cool! Noah took to it like a fish to water! (How do you like that country term thrown in there? You'd think I was born in the south or something God willing and the creek don't rise. Oh wait- I was born in Georgia? My bad.) He studied that Bible for at least an hour.

I SHOULD have wondered about the snickering I heard going on.

I SHOULD have taken a look when he called Jake and Wil over to take a look.

I SHOULD have paid a little more attention when they started laughing out loud.

but no...

I had to wait to check out what was going on until I heard Noah shout (and have I mentioned how well Noah talks when it is a curse word coming out?) "WHAT THE H-E-Double Hockey Sticks Is THAT?"!!???

It was the story of Abram's covenant with God and how God was going to change his name to Abraham  and Sarai's name to Sarah and how she would give birth at the age of 90- which is ALL WELL AND GOOD what with it being in the Bible and all. The problem is Abraham's part of that covenant- the whole "cutting off the flesh of your foreskins" part of the covenant. The whole Abraham being 99 and Ishmael being 13 when this happened part of the covenant.The whole IT WAS ILLUSTRATED IN LEGOS part of the covenant.

Now I don't know about you but circumcision in itself is a difficult thing to explain to a 14 year old (hence the reason we had it done as an infant- you know to NOT have to explain it to him) but explaining it to a deaf 14 year old when you have not quite finished ASL 3 is next to impossible.

I may have scarred him for life. 

I took a look back at some of the other illustrations so I could maybe find out what all the laughing and snickering was about. I can only assume that the "Daughters of humankind" giving birth to babies of "the Sons of God" caused quite a stir as well as the story of Lot's daughters and The Ten Commandments- most specifically the sixth commandment- all of which may I reiterate is ILLUSTRATED IN LEGOS people!

I wish I could show you some pictures but after some research into the illustrator of said Bible I certainly do not want to infringe on anyone's copyright. 

Anyway- it is a very very cool book and Biblically based- I am just not sure if it is a Bible that you would want your 14 year old boy to have his greedy little palms on.

Red Solo What?

I am going to be quite honest with you...I am NOT a country music fan. Oh, I used to be. I loved Little Texas (do they still exist?) and that cute little guy with lupus who sang about her voice still answering his phone. Clay something or other. ANYWAY I loved country music. I had friends in low places and my love was higher than the pine tree standing high upon a hill. I listened to nothing else (well I did listen to lots Amy Grant even after she wore her leopard print jacket that caused such a huge scandal- because we all know you can't be a Christian and wear leopard print. And also maybe marrying Vince Gill even if your husband is a big drug addict gives the Christians lots to talk about over Sunday dinner. But I digress- a lot). Then I went on a trip with Charles before we had kids and CD's were still the way to go. I bought a Shania Twain CD and Charles bought a Green Day CD and by the time we got home I had had enough whining to last a lifetime and The Boulevard of Broken Dreams seemed like just the thing to transition me to pop 40.

What I am trying to say in way, way too many words is that country music has no home in my life.

The Squires Boys are another story. Even the deaf one likes the country music. I didn't consider it a problem until this morning.

Sweet Gabey Baby was looking at his chocolate milk and said, "Red Solo Cup, You're not just a cup. You're my friend." And then he broke out into a rousing version of the chorus.

Number One- I do not serve Gabey Baby his chocolate milk in a red solo cup. Let's face it...McDonalds serves it to him. In a jug. We can no longer take a cup in the car. I act like it is a big deal that he now drinks out of a big boy cup at home when in reality it just means I have lost all of the sippy cups.

Number Two- How does he know this song?

Number Three- Should I be worried that he was slurring his words when he said it?

Number Four- Where are theThe Christain Music Police when you need them?

To Which I Can Only Say I Am Quite Embarrassed

How is that a girl with big dreams of blogging and pinning wonderful things to Pinterest and blogging and writing a novel and painting murals only can seem to accomplish one post a month? What is that?

I think I should blame it all on the fact that the track pad on my Blackberry won't work.

Sad but true.

I can post no pictures.

I can no longer update my status. (Although to be honest I seem to only think in status updates these days. My life in 140 characters or less.)

It is a tough life but someone has to do it.

Introducing...My Much Cooler Friends (Tyson Edition)

Please forgive my lack of posting in the last few months. You see <insert lame excuse here>. I know you are all on the edge of your seats just waiting for a new blog post. Remember the days of my blog when I went months on end posting everyday? What? That didn't happen? Oh, my bad. I meant to. I am just not so good at the whole following through part of...life.

So a few months a year ago I wrote a post about my much cooler friends that you may remember introduced you to some super cool people who make my life look like Laura Ingalls (who to be honest had a much more exciting life than me what with the fool's gold and her nemesis Nelly). I then promised that I would introduce you to a few more. The problem is (please see above) the whole following through thing.

BUT I did want to tell you about a particularly cool friend named Tyson Jennette (who is technically the brother of a good friend BUT we have had like 5 conversations AND he sent me an announcement card so in my eyes that makes us BFF's forever)

This is Tyson...

And he is a swing in...

Which if you don't know is the Tony Award (as well as many other awards I am sure) winning Broadway hit that many a celebrity has been to see.

Want proof? How about...

Yes even TV Assistant DA's are enjoying the show...and hello? Angela Bassett? Thank you.




Want more? How about...

She is very pretty don't you think?

And if you would like (I would)...

He looks like he enjoyed it!

And they have Pretty Women stopping by all the time...

And if you need a bit more star power how about...

Don't you just love how they picked their outfits in the same tone?




So as you can see my Kevin Bacon number has improved greatly since Tyson got such a great gig!

I am just the tiniest bit obsessed with the music and tend to listen to it more than my children would prefer. (I do have to skip a few songs since they are inappropriate for my the children's ears.) We were headed down the road the a while back and we saw two Mormon Missionaries riding down the road on their cute little bikes with their cute little helmets and I told Wil "Quick! Let's put in the Book Of Mormon CD". He looked perplexed (and maybe a bit horrified since it is so not the taste of most 12 year old boys in South Carolina) and said "Why?!" I pointed out the two fellows on the bikes and he said...
 "Oh, I thought those were Jebidiah's Witnesses".

 I think we may need to do a little research on religions of the world.

Why I Should Not Let Gabe Hold My Phone While I Am In The Tub (or Why I Should Not Let Wil Load The Washing Machine Part III)

As you can tell by that wonderful title I am out of a phone yet again. Seriously!? I do not understand what the deal is with me and electronics. (Did I mention here that I have been through 4 Kindles in a year?) I swear it has everything to do with the fact that Noah has a magnet in his head.

Or maybe it's the fact that I let a three year old play with it or leave it on top of a car or maybe it is the fact I don't clean out pockets before I load the washing machine.

Whatever.

Anyway my phone can dial and my phone can receive calls. NOTHING ELSE! In the 1900's (as Wil likes to refer to my childhood) this would not have been a problem. HOWEVER now in the 2000's it is a major issue. What?

2000's- A phone that can't text?

1900's- What is a text?

2000's- A phone that can't check Facebook?

1900's- What is Facebook?

2000's- A phone that can't email?

1900's- What is email?

2000's- No Internet?

1900's- Have you seen the new paint program? It is Awesome!

See what I mean? I should not have a problem with a phone that can dial. But I do have a problem because my smart phone has taken away my ability to remember phone numbers. I can tell you my phone number from when I was in the 2nd grade (524-9144) but I can't remember my husband's office number to save my life. So even if can dial...I do not remember any numbers in which to dial! I am going to have to live with it for a while though because heaven knows I can't afford another deductible! I so could have paid for an iphone by now.

Onto less depressing mundane facts about me... Gabey Baby is about to turn three! He has a cool best friend that he has been having some play dates with. I went to pick him up yesterday and Gabe decided that he need to ride with. Problem is I only have one carseat. I do however, have a belt positioning booster seat that I threw in. Now I have no idea what the law is on belt positioning booster seats versus the 5 point harness deal and I certainly wasn't going to let someone else's child ride in what may or may not be an illegal booster seat so I did what any rational mother would do...

He is THRILLED!

2012- It Will Be A Year!

Well...sorry for the unintended bloggy break. I will catch you up on all things December soon. Right now I am going to beg forgiveness for this short post and just tell you that my GG (Grandma Gracie) is in the hospital. My mind has not figured out a way to make visiting her in the hospital amusing in any way.

So...just pray for sweet GG and that hopefully I will get my mojo back.

Unless you would rather pray that I won't get my mojo back and that I will keep boring you to tears with the same post popping up every time you open this page.

I am of course operating under the complete assumption that people actually open this page.

But for GG's sake, I hope people do.

Happy 2012!

(10 days after it started)