Friday, October 23, 2015

The Day My 6 Year Old Back-Talked Me With A Bible Verse (and how I had no response...oops)

I will not keep you in suspense. The day was today... and I am MIGHTY ashamed! Also, I am pretty sure my Training Union teachers are probably turning over in their graves...except they are not technically in their graves-more like they were sitting in the pew in front of me two Sundays ago. I guess we could say they are turning over in their pew. Anyway all of that is beside the point of this post. The point is my sweet Gabey Baby is no longer sweet Gabey Baby. He has become sassy, back talking, whiney behind, stinky six year old Gabe. Gabe, who at this very moment is watching Matty B Raps videos on Youtube in the living room refusing to allow his older brothers any access to the TV. We created a monster who thinks he rules the roost. He is still pretty stinking cute...

I did it to myself. He was my last baby. Let him have the paci longer...he's my last baby. Oh it's ok if he doesn't want to eat at the table...he's my last baby. Let him watch what he wants to...he's my last baby. Now I will say he has at least one saving grace. His school. He is going to a lovely Classical Christian School where the expectations are clear, the standards are high and sassy, back-talking, whiney-behind behavior is just not tolerated. (There is not much they can do about the stink...that is just part of being 6.) I couldn't be happier (at school at least).
Now, he is also learning the Bible. Not just memorizing verses, but really learning what it means. Hence that catchy title up there. As we were driving home today I was giving him his daily dose of mommy bossing (I know it shocks you that anyone finds me bossy) and let's just say he was pretty tired of hearing it. From the back seat comes this very sarcastic response..."no man can serve two masters mom". I could almost hear his little eyes rolling up in his head. I am be honest it doesn't even register. The rest of the conversation went like this...
Me: (not expecting an answer that makes any kind of sense) What does that even mean Gabe?
Gabe: (still in his whiney, sarcastic, last nerve inducing voice) It means that God is my master and how can I serve him if I am listening to you?
Me: (crickets chirping)
I mean, really. ABSOLUTELY NO REPSONSE. How did all those Bible Drills in elementary schools fail me? How could I not think of ONE intelligent response for my SIX YEAR OLD? Oh, I can think of them now...
Me: (now, in my imagination) "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1
Me: (and this a good one) "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Who is your master by the way...Colossians 3:20
Me: (throwing it back to the old testament) "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12
I encourage you all to look into a Classical Christian education...I promise you it will pay off. BUT before you do you might want to brush up on your Bible Drill skills...just sayin. Here he is on the first and last day of Kindergarten...

For an update on Noah and Wil...
Noah is EIGHTEEN and has been enjoying his courses at the technical high school. He especially enjoyed his agriculture classes and he may just be the cutest deaf FFA member ever!
Love that boy!

Wil has decided that pictures are from the devil and may just absorb your soul (or maybe he is just related to his mother). He also has come to the conclusion that the longer his hair is and the more that it is in his face and the more it stresses me out... the more he enjoys it. He is still a joy. He plays the cello and the double bass. He is witty and quick and makes me smile. He also had kidney stones this summer so I was able to snap a picture since he was attached to an IV.

The top of his head his precious, is it not?
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this post. I hope it was worth the wait. I like to build the anticipation you know!
PS- I know its not worth the wait...also I know you probably weren't actually waiting but its not in my narcissistic nature to admit that to myself! 

Friday, June 29, 2012

I Am Pretty Sure You Had Eyebrows When I Went to Church This Morning...and other things

I really do not even know where to begin. I am not even sure I remember how to write much less anything that anyone would find interesting. I can't remember what happened yesterday so I went back and checked my Facebook to see if there was anything to write about. Problem is I have been on Facebook about as much as I have been blogging so yeah...not much help.

Here is what I know...
  1. VBS is going on this week so pretty much that tells it's own story.
  2. Yearly River Rat Party? Good Times!
  3. Started working part time and still don't have enough time to do all my laundry. I do however have enough time to watch many, many episodes of Ghost Whisper and Storage Wars. I do not think we even need to mention Duck Dynasty.
  4. Gabe has taken up fishing. Do you think I am a bad mother because I make him fish for leaves in my backyard with only a sinker? He thinks he is going to catch dinner. I am not telling him any different. 
  5. 3 of the 5 Squires' boys will be at Beaufort Middle next year. Which teachers would like to put in for a transfer now?
  6. God is punishing me for not making Noah go to church on Sunday mornings. I now come home to things like this...

He also is now into making predictions for the future. Just so you know when Amy turns 43 she will be teaching "Yogo" at the "house with the hot pool and the pool outside where Amy teach the yogo and maybe granmomma will go and bring us to the hot pool and where Heyward play the basketball and then we go to the hot pool and can swim". In other words according to Noah, Amy may be teaching Yoga at the Y in a few years.  

 Oh, I will try to do better in the coming weeks on updating every mundane detail of our lives. But for now- just remember if you don't take your children to church with you they may shave off their eyebrows.

Friday, May 11, 2012

The Guilt...It Has Been Eating Away At Me!

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down in the past week month months to write a new post. Then I would think about how long it had been since I wrote a post that the pressure to come up with something good overwhelmed me. Then when it got to be such a ridiculously long time since I posted I couldn't even log on to blogger to read my favorite blogs. So to avoid any more pressure I am going to just post me favorite Mother's Day video and be done with it. Happy Mother's Day Ya'll!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Not Even An Airplane...

Has it really been almost a month since I posted? Just call me inconsistent. Sorry!

I have to be honest and tell you that I am a terrible speller and count on spell check quite often. I was really off on the word inconsistent and the word that popped up was incontinent. I am so glad I caught it or you would all been sending me some Tena pads.

There is going to be some real randomness in this post because I cannot seem to connect two thoughts in my head much less weave them altogether into some humorous story that has some point. I think I will use bullets just so we can all be sure that nothing in this post relates to anything else.

  • Update (because you are all on the edge of your seat waiting for updates)...Gabe has a new favorite song now and I am not sure if he got it from the M&M's commercial or Glee but he is constantly telling us "Girl, look at that body! Girl, look at that body....I work in". So obviously we do not use gym vocabulary very often around my house and work out has become work in. Please know that Gabe is sexy and he knows it.  
  • The official countdown to my big night with Margaret is on. 7 days 15 hours and 19 minutes to "The Hunger Games". (I am just a tad bit obsessive-can you tell?)  I have actually been counting down for a little more than 5 months but what can I say? It is almost here. May the odds be ever in your favor.
  • Went on a little field trip with Noah and the other deaf kids yesterday to the Audiologist. Now, Noah hears great with his cochlear implant (he cusses great with it to-just so you stay very aware of that fact). Once you put the implant in, the person loses any residual hearing in that ear. It is recommended that you keep the auditory nerve stimulated in the other ear by wearing a hearing aide. That way if you ever decided to implant bi-laterally the nerve is still stimulated. Ya'll know I am not very good at taking direction right? Now, Noah did not ever have much residual hearing. He could however hear low frequency sounds at very high decibels. Think lawn mowers and bass drums. We put him in the booth yesterday and did a quick check on his right ear. Nothing. Now, I know he is deaf. I have known for the last 13 and a half years. I was never mad about it. I never blamed God for giving me a child who was not perfect (what child is?) but somehow this is so final to me. Why am I sad now that he can't hear an airplane without his implant when he CAN hear a lizard moving through leaves with his implant? What is wrong with me? Pray for me people, I may be moving backwards. 

Now since it has been almost a month since I posted I need to go and think about somethings, like that bag full of stuff that needs to be returned from my last trip to Savannah. I only have 30 days to get a refund so I better plan a trip. Not sure if St. Patrick's weekend is the ideal time to head that way but what can I say? I am just no good at following through.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

See The Thing About Legos Is Sometimes They Are A Bit Graphic

A little update on my future country music star...

We went to Texas Roadhouse to eat Sunday (not a fan) and we sat in the Willie Nelson corner. Gabe was quite thrilled with the whole affair (again- Rachel? Not a fan. A fan of Texas? Yes! Fan of Willie Nelson? Yes! Fan of the Roadhouse? No! I think I'd like to go to Texas and eat at a real Texas Roadhouse because I am sure that it is better than the fake Texas Roadhouse in Savannah, Georgia. We may be able to pull off Paula Dean but Texas is a big nono). Anyway- Gabe can not only break out in a wonderful rendition of Red Solo Cup, he can also do a very convincing Tush Push.

OK we will review...
  1. I hate country music.
  2. I don't like country food (obviously- see above paragraph)
  3. I certainly do not like line dancing.
  4. My child likes all of the above!
He is so precious and if my phone worked I would give you a little video of the solo line dancing champion of the Squires family. But as you know...

Anyway, we had a big weekend with 952 children attempting to spend the night at my house... in reality it was really just one child per Squires boy plus the cousins but doesn't that equal 952? Only about half of those actually succeeded in staying the entire night. Gabe's friend Cal (one of those who did not make the entire night) brought his new Bible. It is called "The Brick Bible" and on first glance it is the most fabulous thing in the ENTIRE Bible world! It is the Old Testament illustrated in Legos. So very very cool! Noah took to it like a fish to water! (How do you like that country term thrown in there? You'd think I was born in the south or something God willing and the creek don't rise. Oh wait- I was born in Georgia? My bad.) He studied that Bible for at least an hour.

I SHOULD have wondered about the snickering I heard going on.

I SHOULD have taken a look when he called Jake and Wil over to take a look.

I SHOULD have paid a little more attention when they started laughing out loud.

but no...

I had to wait to check out what was going on until I heard Noah shout (and have I mentioned how well Noah talks when it is a curse word coming out?) "WHAT THE H-E-Double Hockey Sticks Is THAT?"!!???

It was the story of Abram's covenant with God and how God was going to change his name to Abraham  and Sarai's name to Sarah and how she would give birth at the age of 90- which is ALL WELL AND GOOD what with it being in the Bible and all. The problem is Abraham's part of that covenant- the whole "cutting off the flesh of your foreskins" part of the covenant. The whole Abraham being 99 and Ishmael being 13 when this happened part of the covenant.The whole IT WAS ILLUSTRATED IN LEGOS part of the covenant.

Now I don't know about you but circumcision in itself is a difficult thing to explain to a 14 year old (hence the reason we had it done as an infant- you know to NOT have to explain it to him) but explaining it to a deaf 14 year old when you have not quite finished ASL 3 is next to impossible.

I may have scarred him for life. 

I took a look back at some of the other illustrations so I could maybe find out what all the laughing and snickering was about. I can only assume that the "Daughters of humankind" giving birth to babies of "the Sons of God" caused quite a stir as well as the story of Lot's daughters and The Ten Commandments- most specifically the sixth commandment- all of which may I reiterate is ILLUSTRATED IN LEGOS people!

I wish I could show you some pictures but after some research into the illustrator of said Bible I certainly do not want to infringe on anyone's copyright. 

Anyway- it is a very very cool book and Biblically based- I am just not sure if it is a Bible that you would want your 14 year old boy to have his greedy little palms on.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Red Solo What?

I am going to be quite honest with you...I am NOT a country music fan. Oh, I used to be. I loved Little Texas (do they still exist?) and that cute little guy with lupus who sang about her voice still answering his phone. Clay something or other. ANYWAY I loved country music. I had friends in low places and my love was higher than the pine tree standing high upon a hill. I listened to nothing else (well I did listen to lots Amy Grant even after she wore her leopard print jacket that caused such a huge scandal- because we all know you can't be a Christian and wear leopard print. And also maybe marrying Vince Gill even if your husband is a big drug addict gives the Christians lots to talk about over Sunday dinner. But I digress- a lot). Then I went on a trip with Charles before we had kids and CD's were still the way to go. I bought a Shania Twain CD and Charles bought a Green Day CD and by the time we got home I had had enough whining to last a lifetime and The Boulevard of Broken Dreams seemed like just the thing to transition me to pop 40.

What I am trying to say in way, way too many words is that country music has no home in my life.

The Squires Boys are another story. Even the deaf one likes the country music. I didn't consider it a problem until this morning.

Sweet Gabey Baby was looking at his chocolate milk and said, "Red Solo Cup, You're not just a cup. You're my friend." And then he broke out into a rousing version of the chorus.

Number One- I do not serve Gabey Baby his chocolate milk in a red solo cup. Let's face it...McDonalds serves it to him. In a jug. We can no longer take a cup in the car. I act like it is a big deal that he now drinks out of a big boy cup at home when in reality it just means I have lost all of the sippy cups.

Number Two- How does he know this song?

Number Three- Should I be worried that he was slurring his words when he said it?

Number Four- Where are theThe Christain Music Police when you need them?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

To Which I Can Only Say I Am Quite Embarrassed

How is that a girl with big dreams of blogging and pinning wonderful things to Pinterest and blogging and writing a novel and painting murals only can seem to accomplish one post a month? What is that?

I think I should blame it all on the fact that the track pad on my Blackberry won't work.

Sad but true.

I can post no pictures.

I can no longer update my status. (Although to be honest I seem to only think in status updates these days. My life in 140 characters or less.)

It is a tough life but someone has to do it.